What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
