The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
