I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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