What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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