i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
