Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize