Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
