my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
COCAINE IS GR8
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize