No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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