I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
