I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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