I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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