they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
