I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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