My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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