Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
