theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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