My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
