I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
