if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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