if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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