I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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