I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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