____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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