Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
