Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
