We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drunk is not a location!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
