No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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