You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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