im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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