Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize