No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
