WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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