My Higher Power is John Stamos
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
