idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
