Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
