My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
