he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
