I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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