Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we're chasing vodka with high fives
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
