dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
