I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
