so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
