That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.