hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.