the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
