If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7