I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
