The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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