new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
