FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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