Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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