and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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