I'm really into asian looking animals
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
