420 ftw
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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