Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
