Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
