Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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