I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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