it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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