Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
