I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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