I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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