chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
