So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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