Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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