at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
