I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
