i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
